Random Observations on the Land of the Thai

Note: The opinions expressed in this blog are mostly based on casual observation and are probably stereotypes that are not accurately reflective of the Thai people. Never the less, the observations have been made.

I’ve been in Thailand for some time now and I’ve found some thoughts about Thailand drifting in my head, so I thought I’d write them down.

Thailand is disorganized: My number one thought is how disorganized Thailand really is. It honestly amazes me when buses and planes take off near the time they’re supposed to. Even our university, which is supposed to be modeled in Western-style, is incredibly disorganized. No one ever seems to know where anyone is or where you’re supposed to go for something. You’ll often receive differing instructions on things from the same people. Businesses and roads seem haphazardly placed with necessity often overriding practicality, with frequently poor results. All in all, it seems like everyone has a general idea of how things are supposed to work, but they lack the abilities to execute on those general ideas.

No matter how much Thai you speak, every Thai person thinks they can sucker you: One thing I always figured was that, for the first few months, Thai people would try to abuse me and my wallet, scamming me (or at least attempting to), until they recognized that I have been here for a while and they’d back off. Not so. Despite being able to carry out most transactions in Thai and being capable of carrying on broken-Thai conversations with Thai people, I find that most people still assume that I’m fresh off the plane and ready to be scammed. I’m still finding taxi drivers harassing me despite being able to tell them that I don’t need rides. The stall owners in markets still try to overcharge me for everything even though I can negotiate prices in Thai to them. It was pretty fun for a while, but I wish lately that they’d just let me be. I recently took a survey in school for some kid’s class that asked me “how should tour companies improve” and I said “stop trying to get me to buy shit, I don’t have money either.” That should show you how frequently this problem occurs.

In MUIC, the school is mostly a joke: despite the prestige that surrounds MUIC, my college here, school is a silly distraction in Thailand. I’m doing well in my class despite poor attendance, as shown by my typically exemplary marks that I earned on all my midterms. Thai kids seem to struggle more, but I think the language barrier (all classes are taught in English) is the biggest cause of their problems. I don’t have any books for any of my classes. I barely go to one of them since the teacher never takes attendance and the midterm was easy enough that I honestly laughed out loud when I read the questions over. Thai kids are especially terrible. They’ll frequently talk while the teacher is talking and many of them never seem to do readings. Teachers never discipline the Thai kids either, which discourages me from putting in any effort, which is something new that I don’t really like. I honestly wish that I had gone to a different university here in the hopes of actually learning something, but with 2 weeks of classes left, it’s unlikely that can happen.

WAKE UP

Anthony woke me up at 8:30 and as soon as my eyes opened, I knew something was horrendously wrong. My head felt like it had been sledgehammered the entire night and my stomach felt even worse than that. Anthony invited me to go up another mountain with him to visit a temple, but I declined and buried my face into my pillow, hoping that any additional sleep that I might catch before I had to leave Chang Mai might take away the pain in my skull. But, once awoken, my stomach decided that sleep was not in the cards for me. Over the next three hours before I had to drag myself out of my room I was between the bathroom and my bed, throwing up horrendously and struggling to understand what the hell had happened to me. I knew that I needed to get myself in shape and get packing, so I tried my best to put aside how I felt and pack up my things and get out of the room. While packing, I kept forgetting what I was doing, losing my train of thought. I was incredibly, incredibly tired and it was hard to focus my eyes on any one thing for a long period of time.

Finally, I got the good sense to check the painkillers. My eyes instantly found the "overdose" section and, despite following the instructions to the letter, somehow I had had an adverse reaction to the painkillers and was now suffering from an overdose on them, or at least a very bad reaction. I somehow managed (in between throwing up any stomach acid that my body dared accumulate in my stomach) to get myself up and out the door. I handed in the key, walked down the street to the store where I bought some water and crackers, and headed to the Chang Mai airport. I sat on a bench with my eyes closed, trying not to look at any person, place, or thing for very long because it gave me an incredibly sick stomach if I did. Anthony finally arrived and I explained my horrid condition to him and he did his best to, once again, take care of me.

We used my leg injury as an excuse to get on the plane before the long line of people that had been standing waiting before us. I finally got some of the sleep my body so desperately craved. I got off the airport and after a long hobble, we got a taxi. I slept through the ride in an effort to not throw up in it, but mostly, it was a semi-conscious blur.

By the time I got back, I felt a little better. Good enough at least to go put some food in my stomach. I realized how thirsty and hungry I was when I ate, but I took it easy to make sure it stayed down. By the end of the night, I felt at about 70%. My knee hurt, my head hurt, and my stomach hurt after an abusive weekend, but I realized how significantly better I felt than in the morning and greatly appreciated that feeling.

I woke up Monday morning still feeling a little out of it, so I took the day and slept for most of it. By the time I got to moving again, I felt alert, awake, and recovered. Ready to take on the world again.

And thus, this concludes my journey to Chang Mai.

Climbing Down the Mountain...

One thing Anthony and I noticed as we walked through the village was the plethora of chickens. Everywhere, chickens roamed freely. No wonder bird flu is spreading so easily in this region, half of the kids went barefoot, presumably walking around with bird shit all over their feet.

There's never been a moment in my life where I've seriously contemplated killing an animal. Humans, maybe, but never animals. I really enjoy eating them, but I've never been one for slaughter and I'm more than content that other people kill the chickens that we press into dinosaur shapes and sell frozen in the stores. But, when my sleep was disturbed in the wee hours of the morning by the constant chirping, clucking, and cackling of the hundreds of chickens that constituted a significant part of the diet of the local villagers, I seriously considered leaving our little bedroom, walking outside, and chucking as many of those idiotic birds into the darkness of the jungle (where they would hopefully be devoured by hungry predators) as I could. I think, as a species, that chickens should have gone extinct eons ago. They're dumb, slow, they can't fly, and they make enough noise to attract every hungry predator within earshot. If humans hadn't discovered how delicious they were I seriously doubt that chickens would exist today.

After dragging myself off the floor/bed, I ate some toast and we began our trek. The skies had opened for the entire night and let loose torrents of hard rain, so the entire trail was slick and trekking was rough. Most everyone slipped at least once. Finally, after a hard, sweaty walk down the mud-soaked trail, we reached a waterfall. I was one of the last ones to arrive, having stayed with Rainey, a Peruvian who was struggling to keep up and falling frequently on the muddy path. At one point during our private trek, he fell and slid down a hill. As I was telling him in the best Spanish that I could muster that he needed a shower, I proceeded to fall myself.

Even with my late arrival, I was the first one to brave the waterfall. My God, was it awesome to stand in the falls. Gallons and gallons of water cascaded down over the cliffs into my back. It kind of hurt, but at the same time, it felt magnificent. The water was cold, no doubt, but the water helped me recover some of the energy lost from the hard trek and the lack of sleep. It was sad that the water wasn't deep enough to swim in, but I still enjoyed getting pummeled by the power of water and gravity.

Almost immediately after we left the falls, I decided to fall. My right leg slipped and a rock kindly caught my knee and broke my fall. My left knee cap begrudgingly took the entire weight of the fall and immediately swelled up and turned strange colors in response. Then I had to trek for about 2KM out of the jungle. Fortunately I had befriended Rainey because he stayed with me the entire trek, helping me get through rough spots. I was incredibly happy when we reached the white water rafting camp and even happier when Rony said I didn't need to go and could ride back in the truck he was taking. Once everyone got down river, we ate lunch and headed back to Chang Mai. Amazingly, I rode in the back of a truck and didn't puke.

Once I got back to the city, I followed everyone's advice and went to a pharmacy and got some painkillers. I was incredibly happy to have something that would take the pain out my hobbling and probably help me sleep well. I took a couple of the pills as the instructions said and finished reading The Things They Carried. After an hour with no improvement, I took a third pill, as the instructions said I could and, within 15 minutes, I felt very comfortable. Anthony and I chatted a bit, but soon the pillow beckoned me. I closed my eyes, not realizing that this would be the last time I felt pleasant for nearly 24 hours.

And so, the trek begins...

Trekking was quite the unexpected adventure. To say that Anthony and I were unprepared is an understatement. Essentially, we both expected an easy, touristy trek through some trees and then a campout at a village - the kind of stuff you find back in the States. Maybe some long walks, but nothing arduous.

We were wrong.

We left the hotel at 9:00 AM. We were introduced to several more travel companions. The group was a fairly respectable representation of the Western world - a Brit, a Dutch couple, a German couple, Anthony and I representing America, two Peruvians, and Rony, our zany Thai guide. We drove to the base camp, which took a little more than an hour. We were sitting in the back of a truck and naturally, I got very sick and threw up out of the back of it. I can't handle Thai vehicles very well.

When we got where we were going, we discovered that we started the trek with an elephant ride. I rode with Daniel, the Brit, and we fed the elephant some of the apple I had in my pocket and talked for a bit. He was a very likable guy, as I have found most British people to be. Never complained about America or our President or our politics. Just kept it friendly. The seat on the elephant was a little wobbly and I had to resist the temptation to hurl.

I decided to push through the feeling and bust ass up the mountain. I decided to chat it up with Rony and was very glad I did. He told me some stories (WARNING: NOT FOR CHILDREN. SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH). He told me many stories from his 47 year life. Rony loved sex more than most people loved breathing. His sexual appetite was insatiable and he claimed to have had sex with "at least 1000" different women. His personal preference was for light-skinned 16 year old girls (which, as disturbing as that may sound, is legal under Thai law as the age of consent is 15 in Thailand) for reasons I won't get into. Despite his preference, he wasn't picky and had even been with a few ladyboys, "but only when drunk," which apparently makes him in the clear, or something. Rony knew every club in Chang Mai where a man could fill his lonely hands and the cost to fill those hands in each club. Most of the time, when I hear stories like that, I take them with a grain of salt, but as far as I can tell, Rony was as close to a real-deal man-slut as possible.

Rony was an experienced trekker. Keeping up with him was harder than I thought it would be. We eventually got to a little hut in the middle of a corn field. Everyone continued on, but I stayed behind and relaxed. I twas incredibly peaceful, despite the strange flying bugs and my vomiting (at least 7 times so far in the Chang Mai trip!). I then made my way slowly up the trail to the village, going at my own pace and taking lots of time to take in the sights of the surrounding, beautiful area.

Once I got to the village, I took a cold, incredibly refreshing shower. Anthony and I explored a bit and got involved in a game of soccer with some locals. They were much better than me, but that's not surprising. We walked through the village and I felt like an American G.I. in Vietnam, wandering through an incredibly strange and foreign place. Then a little girl jabbed me with a stick in the leg and I snapped out of my daydream.

We went back to the hut where village ladies gave us incredibly cheap massages. We then ate a feast of chicken with yellow curry and rice. Rony played some games with us, but by that point, we were all ready for bed. We set up our mats on the hard floors of the hut and settled in for what promised to be a rough night. I fell asleep fast, but I would awoken soon...

The Second Day in Chang Mai...

Anthony and I had originally intended to trek on our second day in Chang Mai, but that just didn't happen. We had stayed out far too late and were exhausted when we awoke at 8:00 AM to get ready. I was also INCREDIBLY HUNGOVER. On pure desire to not have to trek with my hangover, I somehow managed to run to the hotel's reception area, muttered something about being sick, and got the trip postponed. This was an incredibly feat considering that once I successfully disrobed and snuggled back into my bed, I didn't really get up until 2:00 PM (except to get sick five times). Anthony fortunately went off and explored the city on his own and I didn't feel as bad as I would have if he had waited for my recovery.

By around 4:00 PM I had managed to get a shower in and put clothes on. I was pretty hungry, so Anthony and I went out to explore and I bought some lackluster French fries to hold me over. We took to the streets, crawling through book stores and stumbling into strange happenings. We found some guys practicing Thai boxing and watched them spar. Then we noticed the roof of a nearby mosque and decided to check that out. After wandering through alleys and struggling to find it, we finally made our way in for a very short trip. We felt very disruptive and, unlike the Buddhist temples which are either incredibly welcoming or incredibly vacant, there were men walking through them and they didn't appear to be particularly happy to see us, so after making a small donation, we got the hell out of there.

For dinner, we ate Indian food that left us very full and satisfied. I've only ate Indian food twice now, but I can safely say that I like it more than Thai food. It's got more substance, more flavor without being spicy, isn't all about rice (which I'm sick of at this point), and leaves you feeling like you actually ate (I find I'm never very full after Thai food, just tired of eating it). We continued walking through Chang Mai and as the bars opened, more and more Thai bar girls started cat-calling us. Instead of going out, Anthony and I decided to spend the night in reading and relaxing before our trek in the morning.

Anthony and I decided this week to head up north to Chang Mai...

Arriving in Chang Mai after a hunger-filled plane ride, Anthony and I thought we would be smarter than the average farang and cheat the taxi drivers by asking to go to a temple that was near the hotels we were interested in. We thought we were getting a good deal and saving some baht, but it turns out there are two temples with the same name in the city. We picked the wrong one and ended up in this massive forest monastery on the outskirts of town. We explored it a bit since we were there, but were starving at that point so we found a little place to eat near the monastery. The food was good and amazingly, for the first time in all of Thailand, we were undercharged for something. Impressive, to say the least. So, we consulted the Lonely Planet and found another temple that was near the places we wanted to say and asked a Tuk-Tuk driver to take us there and we were off on another adventure.

We got out and tried to get our bearings. Once we had an idea of where we wanted to go, we started on foot...but in the wrong direction, unknown to us. We wandered lost and bewildered through backroads, going through countless streets and alleys trying to find a landmark to figure out where the hell we were. We didn't really succeed, but we eventually found a guesthouse mentioned in the Lonely Planet and asked for directions. Turns out, there were also two guesthouses with the same name in Chang Mai, and of course, this was the incredibly expensive one, but the lady was friendly and gave us directions to the cheap one. We finally found the real "Smile House" and got a room for 1/3rd the price of the "fake" Smile House.

That night, Anthony and I went to eat dinner at a Thai place we chose simply because we looked at an outside menu and the workers setup a table for us and we felt awkward. I had spaghetti in a delicious Thai style. Then we grabbed some Beer Chang and headed for the Night Bizarre to haggle drunkenly for things that we didn't really want. Many of the vendors were fun and many more appreciated the Chang in our hands. After buying things, we headed back to the Smile House. Along the way, I saw a "club" full of Thai hookers, so once the Tuk-Tuk stopped, I ran back and took a picture despite the crowd of hookers and their pimps screaming "NO!" at me. After that, I sprinted away in a drunken, terrified haste.

Once we were all-together, Anthony and I headed into the Tiger, a bar near our hotel. Darts, a live band, and pool seemed like a nice way to spend a Wednesday night. I proceeded to drink my third bottle of Beer Chang on the evening. It only takes 2 to get me drunk, so by this point, I was DRUNK.

Anthony and I soon grew tired of the bar. No one was particularly friendly and when the band stopped, the offered to play some Jay-Z for us, but then couldn't find the CD. We left and headed to a 7-11 to get water and at this point, the heavy consumption caught up with me. As we walked back, I began puking. Not normal puking, the type of puking where you're so drunk you don't even stop to acknowledge that what you're doing isn't normal. I just continued walking and carrying on a conversation with Anthony, using the time where I was supposed to listen to what he was saying as pauses to puke as I walked down the street.

Not a pretty image, but my first day in Chang Mai was an adventure, to say the least.

Adventures on Ko Sichang

Anthony and I decided that it was time to take a break from our busy coursework – right now, I’m listening to my iPod, Anthony is playing his DS, and our most taxing decision is whether or not to watch a movie tonight or an episode of 24 – and head to an island for a weekend of relaxation. We decided to take a break from big islands like Ko Chang, where we’d previously gone, and head to a small island a bit closer to Bangkok. We decided we’d also be a bit more sociable and headed to the island with two of the guys in our house, Big Justin and Canadian Justin.

We arrived at the bus station a little later than we thought we would and ended up on some random bus heading in the same direction. We had no idea what was going on and signs weren’t good when the bus pulled over so that one of the employees could get a beer and a smoke break in ten minutes after we had left the bus station. Fortunately, Big Justin also needed a beer break and proceeded to purchase three BIG Beer Chang and for the rest of the trip got hammered on the bus because you can drink anywhere in Thailand (except on the SkyTrain, which is classy). This bus wasn’t quite all-together. We stopped for a bathroom break and due to some difficulties in understanding the logistics of a squatter on my part, I took a bit longer and the bus nearly left without me.

After many unnecessary stops and lots of loud horn honking (with not one, but two horns), our bus made it to Siracha, the port town that would bring us into Ko Sichang. Unfortunately, we had missed the ferry. Fortunately, Big Justin was drunk enough to be committed to the idea of getting to the island that night and not partaking in the nightlife of Siracha. Instead of finding accommodations there, an idea I found perfectly fitting given the apparently exciting nightlife of the town (judged by a massive club called “Website” situated in the center of the town and tons of Thai people scurrying about), we wandered down to a pier looking for a boat.

An incredibly sketchy, very greasy Thai fellow offered us a ride for the extraordinary price of 2000bh, which roughly comes out to about $80 USD. We weren’t having that, so Big Justin started yelling at random fishing boats and holding up 1000bh, but they weren’t interested. It looked like many of them wanted to give us rides, but they all seemed to live in fear of the grease man, who might have been Thai mafia, given the location, his dirtiness, and the fact that he proudly proclaimed that he owned “all the boats” on the pier. Finally, he gave in and sold us a ride for 1000bh, and Big Justin made sure to inform him that if anything went down, he would come back and hurt the fellow.

We made good time to the island, though we spent the better part of the ride fearing that the boat drivers were going to shoot us and rob us and throw our bodies in the Pacific Ocean and no one would have any idea where we were or where to even begin looking for us. When we finally got there, we wandered around aimlessly without any idea of where to go to stay. We found a group of random guys on motorcycles with whom Big Justin decided to haggle room prices, despite the fact that they were clearly not involved in the hotel business. We finally did find a place to stay for a reasonable price at first, though we later realized that the accommodations weren’t very suitable (mostly by the bug bite Canadian Justin and I got from bed bugs).

The next morning, we woke up bright and early and headed into town to hunt for motorbikes. We rented some rather nice hogs for the low price of 300bh ($10) and explored the island. We found a very nice place to stay, but the price was way too high, so we ate lunch at a very scenic hotel built on a cliff overlooking the water and then headed off to the beach, putting off finding a room until a later time. We enjoyed the beach. Anthony and I found a piece of bamboo floating in the water, which we proceeded to jam into the ocean floor and climb up until it lost balance and fell over, which caused us to splash down into the water. The water was incredibly warm and for the most part, rock-free. But, if we strayed too far from the beaten path, the sea floor became incredibly rocky, as the cuts on my feet clearly demonstrate.

After that, we explored a bit more of the island. We found a very remote corner of the island were we sat on some cliffs and took a lot of really spectacular pictures. The day was remarkably clear and the water was a brilliant blue. It was really relaxing, peaceful, and serene. We then headed up a massive hill and found a monastery that was supposed to be open, but no one was around. We respectfully explored and found an amazing view of the developed potion of the island. We also discovered some monkeys roaming around the monastery.

Continuing our productive day, we headed to another monastery, where we got a tour from a nun who spoke remarkably fluent English. She was very polite and showed us the entire monastery without any expectation of compensation. She told us many stories about Buddha and the founding of their particular monastery. She was even patient with my inexperience and taught me the proper way to show respect to Buddha. At the end of the tour, Canadian Justin and I made arrangements to go back to the monastery next weekend to study and get a feel for the life there. I think it’s going to be a great experience.

We then decided that we needed to find some food and get a room. We found some bungalows and negotiated a decent rate for two nice, big air-conditioned rooms. Then we headed out to Pan and David, a western-style restaurant that was very polite, served delicious food, and was very happy to see us pay our huge bill. We needed a lot of garlic bread and French fries though. You just don’t pass up those opportunities here. Unfortunately, we picked the worst time to go. Having spent a weekend in Trat and Ko Chang, I learned that, when it starts raining, it usually doesn’t stop, and convinced everyone to drive in the rain because I honestly didn’t think it would get any better. It stopped raining as soon as we got to the island and never rained again. I was very wet and felt silly.

We filled our stomachs as far as they could and then we decided to explore the island a bit more. We went down a strange road that seemingly went to nowhere, and in fact, it did go to nowhere. It just suddenly ended into a field which offered a view of the mainland. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to take my motorbike off-road, which was equally impressive and fun. Once I had my fill, we headed down another road, which turned out to lead directly into a Thai garbage dump. It smelled absolutely terrible and there was garbage strewn about the roadway. Anthony, Canadian Justin and I all stopped to turn around, but Big Justin was simply too drunk and crashed his motorbike into the back of Canadian Justin’s bike and fell. I’m never going to forget in my entire life the look on Big Justin’s face as he futilely attempted to steer his fallen bike while his head and arm were dragging against the pavement. He was okay, but his bike required about 300bh worth of repairs.

After that, Anthony, Canadian Justin and I were more than content to just chill out the rest of the night. Big Justin had bigger plans and brought back some sketchy Thai guys to drink in our room. It was kind of cool, speaking broken Thai and broken English back and forth, but they were pretty random guys. Big Justin wanted to go out to bars, but the rest of us weren’t really down, and after some incessant nagging, the three of us just eventually left and went to some cliffs and spent an hour or two just talking. We came back to the room and Big Justin was sleeping soundly. We watched a bit of Thai television and then all of us went to bed ourselves. We planned to wake up early, but Anthony was the only one who did and the rest of us spent the last few hours of our time in Ko Sichang comfortable in our individual beds.

We returned out motorbikes, headed to the pier and went to a surprisingly unfriendly Thai restaurant for lunch. We got on the boat, then we landed and rode a Tuk-Tuk to the bus station, climbed on a bus, got into Bangkok and headed onto the SkyTrain, and then into a taxi back to Salaya. It was a lot of vehicles in one day. I was pretty happy to head back to the house, but I can’t wait to head back to the island.

In other news, Thai Sizzler is awesome. Every Wednesday, we have “Sizzlin’ Night” where we go to dinner at Sizzler and get authentic western food and take in a movie. It’s something to look forward to, for sure, and the Sizzler is absolutely delicious. It’s more pricy than Thai food, but it’s excellent and it’s nice to have some comfort food.